As I look back…

Be assured that the testing your faith - through experience - produces endurance. - James 1:3

The Lord is my strength - my source of courage, my invincible army - He has made my feet steady and sure, like hinds’ feet, and makes me walk forward with spiritual confidence on my high places of challenge and responsibility. - Habakkuk 3:19

As I look back at my journey through cancer, which I call the 3 G's: Grit, Gratitude, and Growth, I learned some valuable lessons that might offer insight for you.

Lesson One

One of the most challenging realities for me to accept was the need to be vulnerable and let people help me. I had always been there for others, but I wasn't comfortable with the idea of others helping me.

My brother knew this about me, so he called and said, "Lys, I know you're not used to being vulnerable and letting people into this side of who you are. But you must. Let people help. Don't take that opportunity away from them by making this about you differently." His words stung but were true, and I respected him, so I took his advice.

I learned that when we open ourselves up and let people help us, we connect on a deeper level as humans. It feels good, both to them and to us. Goodness breeds goodness. By choosing to be vulnerable, I had many quality conversations, made memories, and formed lifelong connections.

Lesson Two

Throughout my journey with cancer, I found some people sharing less than helpful information and spinning my journey toward them by internalizing it through a lens that evoked emotion connected to their personal stories or their needs. They would spill their hearts – whether I welcomed it or not! Their lack of awareness was startling to me, yet what I know to be true is that people do mean well and usually have good intentions, even if they don't know how to express themselves well. When the topic is heavy, they can get clumsy and messy with their words. Believing this, I chose to extend grace to them and not take offense to what they said. I knew their hearts were in the right place, and their motives and intentions were pure. I refused to let their words trigger panic or negative emotions in me.

Lesson Three

As I mentioned in my previous message, losing my hair was a terrifying experience. It was a part of my journey that brought tears down my cheeks and made me tremble inside. It was an emotional earthquake that shook me to my core.

Now, a few years after my cancer journey, my emotions are not as raw. I can feel the meaning of these tender words by Randy Travis: “I ain’t in love with your hair.” When a friend first shared this line with me, I couldn’t absorb any of it because I was not emotionally ready to do so. However, now that I am, I can feel the depth and truth connected to this string of words.

Before my cancer journey, much of my identity was in my hair. So, it wasn’t easy to handle it when it was taken from me. Looking back, what I deemed to be true held no lasting value. But, the words by Randy Travis had the truth … I am more than my hair. My beauty, vibrancy, and impact come from my inner life, not my outer appearance. And that’s true for all of us.

When I think about it from this perspective, there’s one thing I wish I would have done more of. I wish I had taken more pictures without my hair. Reflecting on this chapter of life, I’m reminded of who I’ve become and who my family has become, and I don’t want to forget how this season served a purpose and how we’ve been refined because of it.

Lesson Four

It's okay to take care of yourself. When you do, it doesn't mean you're selfish. On the contrary, it's the opposite. When you neglect yourself, you have nothing left to give.

It's also okay to not respond to everyone or everything that comes your way. That doesn't mean you don't care.

You don't always have to be strong either. That doesn't mean you're weak. It simply means you're human.

Speaking up and releasing your deepest fears is okay, too. That doesn't mean you're being swallowed up by negativity.

Finally, asking for help is okay, not just accepting it when offered. When you do so, it doesn't mean you're needy or bothersome. This act of humility strengthens your bravery instead. Here’s part of my story connected to this topic:

During my journey, one of my biggest fears was the financial burden that this diagnosis would have on my family.

A few months prior, I left my corporate job to pursue my dream of running a coaching and speaking business. However, this bold move didn’t come with financial security, and now, with this diagnosis, I was terrified. I wanted to remain strong, but my pride was crushing me. Eventually, I decided to ask some trusted friends for help. Initially uneasy, I released my pride and asked for prayer in this area. I felt a sense of peace connected to this release, and the bond from choosing to stop acting like "I have it all together" was life-giving.

It's okay to be simply human and not to put on a front of being a superwoman or man. When we let our guard down, we permit others to do the same, and vulnerability connects us.

Lesson Five

Find splashes of joy in each day. Even if each day might not be good, there's always something good about it. Look for the positive things and live above your circumstances and the noise.

Many people will come to you with tear-filled eyes and hearts smothered with concern. They empathize with you because they care about you and want to help. So, it's essential to let them in. However, it's also important to let people in who make you happy and bring joy to your life. These people express their love through bright smiles, encouragement, and hope-infused sentiments.

 Lesson Six

Your actions set an example for your children to follow. Let them into the journey.

When this unexpected and unsettling shift entered my family’s life, I knew I had an opportunity to focus on my vision, not my circumstances. I was able to shape my kid’s view of resiliency and vulnerability. I had a chance for them to see my faith in action by operating from a foundation of consistent confidence and allowing my mind to work for me, not against me.

When I could shift my thinking and live above my circumstances, I began to see my journey through their eyes, which led us to parent and live alert on their behalf. 

On the topic of letting your kids into the journey, a variety of special people included them in their expression of care toward our family in unexpected ways that melted our hearts and theirs. The list of graciousness and love goes on and on. And here’s the keyword: Love. Everyone who showered our kids with love did so without asking our permission; they showed up without needing anything in return. It meant so much that they never pressured us to decide; they were just available to treat them (and us) in this season of our lives together.  

Lesson Seven

It is essential to have confidence in your healthcare team. Don't try to convince yourself that everything is fine if something feels off. Trust your instincts and ask meaningful questions. Remember, you are your body's most influential advocate. When you find the right team, hold on to them and build your relationship on a foundation of trust and confidence.

Lesson Eight

We experienced many hearts open wide toward our family and in a beautiful pattern from some of the least expected friendships. 

As loving notes, gifts, meals, car rides, appointment pals, walking partners, etc., entered our lives in various ways, I purposely chose to privately pray over their hearts as much as they were praying over ours. This simple yet highly intentional act brought so much internal joy to my journey because it helped me live in an abundant place of gratitude. It guided me to “see” the people coming alongside us and to care about their lives at this very moment.  

I was also led to ensure my attention and focus did not overlook “my home team.” The people that I get to do day-to-day life with matter. They matter more than those who live outside our walls, yet often, we don’t make each other feel that way.

Through a few humbling reality checks, my heart and motives were dismantled, and I was given a chance to “grow up” and mature. This helped me “see” them first.

Lesson Nine

Allow positivity to capture your soul. Embrace a positive attitude and keep a record of answered prayers. This journey helped me develop faith that is not dependent on my circumstances but based on what I know to be true. I realized that our thoughts are powerful and started logging answered prayers daily, no matter how big or small. This consistent habit conditioned me to see the small joys lining each day, strengthened my outlook, and silenced negative thoughts. It repositioned my mind to work for me, not against me. Finally, it reminded me to fill the space in my heart and head with nuggets to help me stand securely internally.

A few months before I was diagnosed with cancer, our insurance changed, and the doctor who had been following our family for over a decade was no longer in our provider network. When I received my diagnosis, I knew he couldn't follow my case, but I just needed to hear his familiar voice. So, I left a message for his team, and when they called back, he said, "Stay positive, Alyssa. Your body responds to where your mind and thoughts go. Did you hear me? Promise me this."

Throughout the highs and lows of my journey, I held tight to his words.

Lesson Ten

Lift your head…lift it even a little bit higher to see the bigger picture.

None of us truly knows what we're capable of until we're put to the test. We grow and mature the most during our most difficult times. We don't truly learn something just by reading or hearing about it; it only becomes ingrained in our souls when we experience it firsthand. To be able to help others in the future, we must go through our own challenges and difficult experiences. That is why age and experience are valuable; they teach us what matters.

The lessons we learn throughout our lives create depth and meaning when we adopt a "layered learning" mindset. By taking one life lesson and building on top of it, and then another, and then another, and then another, and another, we gain a broader perspective and become better equipped to add compassionate value to the lives of others.

Encouragement for Inspired Growth

My hope in sharing my perspective is that regardless of whether you find yourself in a challenging situation or supporting someone else through a difficult time, each section of these words will remind you to take ownership of your part in the story. Approach it with passion, compassion, intentionality, and a lens of hope-infused love.

Photo by Averee Kreutzfeldt at Bar 33 Ranch, Blaisdell, North Dakota